Update....

I went to my very first therapy session this morning and I have to say I was pleasantly surprised. I was really nervous this morning and the half a dozen wrecks I passed on my way were not reasuring. Traffic was crappy and I can't wait to avoid the massive construction zone that I have been victim to for the last two years when I move. (Yay moving!) Anyway, I wasn't sure how much a man would be able to help me with the grief and confusion, but the most important thing that I got from the experience is that it's OK that I'm upset and confused, it's OK that I'm having trouble, I don't have to feel guilty for not being able to handle a break-up, a miscarriage, and the rest of my life at the same time. It's OK that I messed up and it's OK that I need a little more time before I jump right in to the stress of school.

Update

Late sunday, I started my period....everything seems to be normal and boy, am I relieved to get my body back.

Update...

So, my HCG levels have practically bottomed out...no baby. After a day and a half of tears and soul searching, I think I'm ok about it. My body still thinks its pregnant, which is the hardest part to deal with. I thought most of it may have been in my imagination until I met a friend for lunch today and she exclaimed, "Good God, what's going on with your BOOBS!!" So, yeah, they are definitely bigger. Damnit. Now, I guess I just wait for my body to get with the program and go back to normal. I'm due for my period this week....keeping my fingers crossed. I know that no one is really reading this, but it helps to say it out loud, I think I'm going to take my nurse's advice and take advantage of the counseling services on campus. I just think that talking out the events of the last few months with someone objective could be helpful. I still don't know why I was getting positives on the HPT tests I was taking...if anyone does read this, please be careful with First Response Early Results Home Pregnancy tests. They can read hormone levels way below what even their website will tell you.

Ok, so here's the latest....

I have come to the realization that my uterus is a freak of nature, there is no other explanation for the positive and negative HPTs, the low HGC levels and the utter lack of period. I'm about to make the nurse at school cry, I know it. She has no idea why I can still get a positive on an HPT, early results test or not. I took a pee test at the office and sure enough it was negative even though I had taken a HPT this morning which gave me, for the first time, two really dark pink lines.
*Yay, no more faint lines to confuse the issue even more!*
She drew blood for another beta test, neither one of us has any idea what it will show. I find out tomorrow.....something....though probably nothing resembling an answer. *sigh* No matter what the result, I'm going to ask for a copy of the report and take it to the health dept. Hopefully, that will at least get me a medical card so that I can go to a real doctor. Keepin' my fingers crossed and I'll keep ya posted.